what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just gargled with NyQuil
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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