So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're my little dorito
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
