Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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