The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
