yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
