its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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