He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
