Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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