make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
