please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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