I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
