Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
