Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
