Quick, to the slutcave!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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