the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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