i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
