okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
