She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
