How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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