brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
