Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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