don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
