I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
