My first STD was from a foam party
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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