dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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