Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
