dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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