Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
third nipple confirmed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
