My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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