you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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