My ATM looks so different sober.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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