Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
