you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize