I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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