I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
