just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
