he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
