Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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