listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's shark week go big or go home
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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