whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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