i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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