He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
