Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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