I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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