Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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