I seem to have left my pride at pride
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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