My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
