When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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