Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
