I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
