he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Less talking, more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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