seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
