I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
accomplished twins. life is a go
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
