if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
