I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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