Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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