Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
