i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
bring money and cleavage
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
