i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pants are for mortals
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
