so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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