I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
