do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
