girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
