I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
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would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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