Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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