shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
