cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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