this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
