I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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