we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
