i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
