u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
