Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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