You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
