I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
