new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
