my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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