i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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