Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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