He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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